Q&A with Dr. Norman Spack

I met Dr. Spack at a party held by my friend Laura when she lived in Boston. I remember the night well as it was a typical Laura mash-up of transgender people, kids, college students, genetic people, authors, Drs. and the odd stray who happened to smell free food. In short, fun and always interesting.

Dr. Spack was about the coolest guy at the party. He listened, spoke with passion about the transgender community, and, was from Harvard University. From my brief meeting with him I started to understand that people alot smarter than me were seeing this whole GID thing, weighing the facts and taking it seriously. He helped me to see I wasn’t necessarily crazy. We’ve actually done an article here at Beck’s Cafe on Dr. Spack. You can read that article about a paper he presented at Lahey Clinic at Beck’s Cafe by clicking HERE.

So it was nice to see at Boston.com a Q&A interview with Dr. Spack. It’s a terrific piece and one I thought all our happy coffee swillers would enjoy reading. Some highlights:

  • Dr. Norman Spack, 64, argues that transgender kids tend to be much happier - and less likely to harm themselves - when they’re able to live in their preferred gender role.
  • Dr. Spack on trans-kids and suicide, “Transgendered kids have a high level of suicide attempts. Of the patients who have fled England to see me, three out of the four have made very serious suicide attempts. And I’ve never seen any patient make [an attempt] after they’ve started hormonal treatment.”
  • Dr. Spack on being transgender and religion: “My own rabbi said it best: The transgendered are also created b’tzelem Elohim, in the image of God.”

You can trott over to Boston.com to read the full article by clicking to boston.com at this link here.

Update: Gender Therapists: How do you choose?

We’ve updated the article here at Beck’s Cafe, “Gender Therapists: How do you choose” with a wonderful article on helping teens choose a therapist. It’s a link at the end of the article.

Happy Re-Reading :)

CSI: Sara’s Goodbye Letter

If you caught last night’s CSI (in Boston anyway) … it was the “Living Doll” episode. In one of the most sad and romantic moments in TV history, Sara writes a letter to Grishom, the series main character, that she is leaving. She tells him that she loves him; she talks about herself; she talks about what haunts her; and that she must go,

You know I love you. I feel I’ve loved you forever.

Lately I haven’t been feeling very well. Truth be told, I’m tired.

Out in the desert, under that car that night, I realised something and I haven’t been able to shake it.

Since my father died, I spent almost my entire life with ghosts. We’ve been like close friends and out there in the desert, it occured to me, that it was time for me to bury them. I can’t do that here.

I’m so sorry.

No matter how hard I try to fight it off, I’m left with a feeling that, I have to go. I have no idea where I’m going, but I know I have to do this. If I don’t, I’m afraid I’ll self-destruct, and worse, you’ll be there to see it happen. Be safe.

Know that I tried very hard to stay. Know that you are my one and only. I will miss you with every beat of my heart. Our life together was the only home I’ve ever really had. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I love you…I always will.

Goodbye.

In a lot of ways I feel her letter says, from the heart, what alot of us must feel like … at least sometimes.

You can see the scene for yourself at You Tube by visiting You Tube here.

New Social and Support Group: T-Party

Photo courtesy of the puzzle page at Drexel University Astronomer extraordinaire, and my friend, Sonia, has placed a new social and support group into the constellation of what we have in New England! She’s named it, T-Party, and you can reach her new venture by visiting her groups site HERE.

Those of us in the Boston area might wonder how this area can support yet another transgender group. Well, surprisingly, very easily. Lyn Conway actually did some statistical analysis not too long ago and even presented a paper on her work, you can read what she presented at the WPATH conference by clicking over to her article at her site HERE. In a nutshell, she found the prevalence of MtF transsexualism on the order of ~1:500 so let’s do some math :)

Greater Boston is home to 4.4M people. So, if we look at Lyn Conway’s findings, that means, if I have my math right, that there are 8800 trans-women in the Greater Boston area and, possibly, 1/2 that many trans-men. If we look at the entire transgender umbrella (crossdresser, drag queens, transsexuals, gender queer, etc.) there might be alot more but let’s just go with that figure of 8800 trans-women. Okay stay with me here for this next part.

I have heard, through the grapevine, that Dr. Richard Doctor has discovered in a study he led that only 70% of all crossdressers actually go outside their homes crossdressed and of that only a small percentage (5% perhaps ?) actually go to public venues (stores, restaurants, etc). I can’t find the any documentation where he said this but let’s just go with it.

If the above are true, then of the 8800 trans-women in this area, only 6160 actually venture out to trans-friendly events and of that only 300 or so go out in public, out and about. If we look at the 6160 number, the Greater Boston Area can easily support T-Party and all the other groups in this area.

Maybe we’ll have a cup of coffee with the star gazing Ms. Sonia at some point and understand what motivated her and what her dreams are for T-Party.

Nashua Telegraph Series on Transgender Neighbors

Nashua Telegraph The Nashua Telegraph did an excellent series on transgender neighbors. It’s very well done, and is about four or so articles. The commentary and letters to the editors are equally as good reading, providing an interesting look into what others think of the transgender community. It’s well worth a nice cup of mocha-java and a read. Here are the links:

Some humor with that Monday coffee

Laughing How about some laughter with that morning coffee there?

Maybe a tailor would have helped?

After week’s of medical treatment, my doctor became concerned about some redness around my waist, so he sent me to a specialist. When that doctor entered the examination room, he studied my chart, then looked at me sitting in the chair.

“Should I take my clothes off?” I asked

“No need to,” he said. “I already see the problem. your pants are too tight.”

You always guessed this was true about those meetings!

Percentage of the work week that a typical worker spends in meetings: 25.

Odds that a person at a meeting doesn’t know why she’s there? 1 in 3.

Puntastic!

Seen in the window of a camping shop: “Now is the winter of our discount tents”.

This dog’s bark is worse than her bite

My dog is half pit bull, half poodle. It’s not much of a watchdog but it’s a vicious gossip (Craig Shoemaker)

(Photo courtesy of k-girl’s photostream Humor courtesy of Reader’s Digest, Dec 2007)

Fantasia Fair Early Registration Deadline: 3/1/08

Fantasia Fair Early Registration Discounts for Fantasia Fair End Soon

If anyone is considering going to this year’s Fantasia Fair conference in October, you may want to register before March 1st. As of March, the early registration discount will no longer be available. If you are not sure if you can make it to this event, you can register now and get nearly a full refund if later on you have to cancel. Check out the Fantasia Fair website for details on the refund policy. The Fantasia Fair website is at http://www.fantasiafair.org.

Help on Beck’s Cafe’s Graphics Header

If anyone could help us with the Beck’s Cafe graphics header we’d be grateful. It’s apparenlty too big. The cafe’s ultra-high tech computers can’t tell but some of our readers don’t see the nifty header we mashed up. So, if you’d like to help we’d be grateful because we aren’t sure what to do to make it fit for displays that don’t like big headers.

Thanks :)

Accepting misery might be your key to relationship happiness in 2008

Miserable Twins It’s true. You might find that accepting a little misery might make you happier. A friend of mine had a parallel though, “You know Becki, sometimes you just know you are going to take a beating”.

How comforting.

Anyway, in a wonderful article from one of the world’s last bastions of independant news, The BBC, came this report from June of 2007. It’s good medicine for all our relationships in 2008. As published in the Journal of Marriage and Family Therapy, researchers from California State University, Northridge and Virginia Tech say expecting and accepting life’s miserable times are better than striving for perfection.

Some of the findings were surprising, if not shocking, so brace yourselves:

  • There is no way to avoid suffering in our relationships. You simply cannot have a perfect marriage, relationship or friendship
  • No relationships can be in a perfect state of happiness. All relationships eventually have very hard times
  • The mental health industry appears to be perpetuating the myth that with enough work (or medication) we can be always happy
  • It is “fantasy” that any relationship could be perfect and that striving for such an impossible state could lead to bitter disappointment.

You may read the full report at the BBC by visiting the article at their site here.    The relationships experts recommended meditation as a help to ease pressure in expectations.  One would think a good shot of bourbon might help too.

U.S. Presidential Candidate Calculator helps you pick YOUR vote

United States Flag Well our United States Presidential Election draws nearer today and you may or may not be any clearer on who to vote for. Well the Beck’s Cafe baristas have brewed a helpful tool just for you. You should use this only after you get over your New Year’s Eve hangover ;)

The Candidate Calculator will help you determine who may best align with your position! Let’s face it, there are so many choices this time around WHO are you going to pick? It’s a puzzler that’s for sure, but as the Candidate Calculator recommends:

Answer the questions below to find the 2008 presidential candidate that best aligns with your beliefs. More than 1.5 million people have already filled it out. Give it a try!

Mark the column for Yes if you support the issue and No if you oppose it. After that, select how important the topic is to you. If you are unsure or have no opinion on a topic, just mark the Unsure column. You will be scored based upon how well you match the current views of each of the 2008 presidential candidates.

You should go visit the Candidate Calculator and see WHO lines up with you….then vote :)